|Deviant Login||Shop||Join deviantART for FREE||Take the Tour|
doingsaturate him in verbs verbs
and more verbs
because even you know
love is a lot of saying
but it's actually a lot more
find adjectives and paint
them over his skin
even though he is
a masterpiece already.
collect choice nouns
paralleled by him alone
and shower him with them. things
and places but be
his only person,
because only he
could possibly be
they didn't warn youthey didn't warn you
about those like me,
and i can't say
i blame them.
they expect you to be
smart, to know better
and not to think anything
of the girls that have lived
in cigarette smoke
and have drawn
their own blood.
those that have made mistakes
in the past change
only through some miracle
of incredible force,
but perhaps you are
one, and have managed
to save me.
i drove homei drove home in silence
because the noise
of the radio was not as soothing
as the conversations contemplating
the universe that were just had.
driving down the dirt road
that leads to the highway,
i killed the lights
and let the moon guide me
as i counted to ten,
then switched them back.
i drove with the windows down
in 50 degree weather
with the heat of my car on
, but the cold did not chill me—
a car whizzed by
as i passed a gas station,
where two boys and girls stood
with skateboards, yelling and chattering
as one of them smoked. normally
i would look at them with disapproval,
but tonight i saw they were doing
what we all must do:
there is nothingthe cracking and breaking open of my sternum
to release dead and rotting flowers from inside
means nothing at all because there is nothing
wrong with me, there is nothing
and the blades hiding in my room,
poised and aching for use
—the mountain ranges of scars, arching
in pale pinks and striking whites
across the pale skin draped over these bones
mean nothing, there is nothing
and the way my insides feel, the way
my bones feel as if they're worn away
like salt water to metal
means nothing, nothing.
it's 11:11 and i make a wish
for no nightmares when i fall
asleep, for without fail i will wake
at 4:00 a.m. sweating and tangled
in sheets, crying over a nightmare
i will never fully remember.
when morning comes
i will wake up sad,
i will wake up
i will wake up unhappy—
and i will sink deeper
and further downwards.
i am the blood dripping
from veins, i am
the coughing of smoke
out of lungs. i am
waves shoving violently
against the shore
(and there is everything
wrong with me).
the days we're missingto get back the days we're missing
i would trade in all the years of my life
you were not there. i would raise hell
straight from my underbelly, feel the fire
starting somewhere within me, licking
its hot tongue into every crevice and onto
every nerve until it billows outside of me
and burns all things in our way.
the other day, tomorrow came to me
& told me it is kind, told me it is safe,
told me it is waiting. so let's go—
all around me the leaves fall
even when the wind doesn't blow,
but oh, does it still sometimes gust
beneath these strengthening wings.
& i will admit there are times when it still hurts
to fly, that there are times when the rain pours
and the sea roars until the the waves crash crash
crash until it is too deafening
for me to hear
, and for that i am
but you are the calm
eye in the center of my storms,
& for that i say thank you, to that i say
let's just go—
the only thing between point a
& point b is a lot of distance,
so i will raise hell and i
bustwo nameless young lovers on a bus,
she falling onto his shoulder
eyes half-lidded and heavy with sleep.
the rhythmic bumping of the bus
begins to shake her. soothingly
he pushes a kiss to her forehead,
supports her with his arm
and i can see he always does so
with all else he has.
she is at home in bed,
waiting for him to return
with a longing inside her
that only lovers can know.
her hair falls around her head
like a category 5 hurricane,
her pale face the calm eye
of the storm.
something inside of me jolts
and i bring myself back, my mind
reconnects to my body and i become
one again. empty bus seats
and a hand on my leg remind me
where i am. i look to my left,
look upwards to the familiar
face i could kiss for 100 years
over and over and over still
and i begin to feel flowers growing
inside of me. i place my lips
to his shoulder and rest my head.
you can only see the love
in this world when you know well
what it feels like.
i can feel the relapsethe temporary drowning of my pain
tastes like cigarettes
and burns like extinguishing them
on my ankles.
i don't know where i am,
i am lost and
oh oh i'm sorry i'm so sorry
i've been fucked before
been taken and been used
and oh, oh, i'm sorry
so sorry i am not whole
i am scars
i am tar in my lungs
i am wasting
time and wasting
i am so sorry)
i can feel the relapse teasing me
seducing me, slowly
warm fingers caressing my skin
digging in their nails,
asking if i remember pain
until i cry
about how i could never forget
(squeeze my neck
bend me backwards
until i hear
my spine CRACKing)
i can't find my knives
and i don't have money
for cigarettes (i promised you
i wouldn't again, didn't i
didn't i? i did,
oh, oh save me
i don't have you(r)
arms to put around me
so what will i do now?
origins of the universei do not know what it means
when you look at me a certain way,
like a child seeing god for the first time
or maybe for the last. i just don't know
why we orbit each other like we are the only
celestial objects left in outer space, binary stars
that gravity decided to keep
together. you are my primary star
and i am your comes, the secondary,
and you will always shine brighter.
i don't always understand why it is
we fell like meteors tearing down
and unprepared for sudden impact,
but i do know the entire universe
was created for this, for you
and for me. when we die it will die with us
but first i'd like us to buy a one-way ticket
on an asteroid passing by Titan
just to hear the song Vonnegut tells me it sings.
we'll grab a connecting flight
that will propel us to faraway galaxies.
the entire universe was created for this
and i will see it for all it has to give.
I am a MouseI am a mouse.
I am quiet, I am nothing.
I am a book that nobody has read.
I am an eclipsed sun and a cloaked moon.
I am irrelevant and unwanted, a broken toy in an attic.
I am the dust in your rear-view mirror that you leave behind.
I am the air that you breathe in and spit out as something different.
I am the palest white. I am the darkest black. I am the dullest, emptiest grey.
I am the old man with forgotten memories and the baby who has yet to make them.
I am a forgotten word, dangling on the tip of your tongue, hanging on the noose of your lips.
I am a dried up stream. I am a felled forest. I am an abandoned cornucopia of resolute nothingness.
And there is Hell burning in my eyes.
PainParalized by the suffering
A shiver down my spine
Images of my past haunt me
No one can save me from this hell
A void within meAlone on this inhospitable night, once again
I let my memories guide my lost steps,
Wandering amid the ghosts of my past.
As I walk along the quay,
I stare at the feeble Seine flowing:
She's dying by the street lamps' hands
While the whole city asphyxiates.
Reflecting my own lack of humanity
Over the river's lighted surface,
Griefs come and go at the water's rhythm.
Once again, on this breathtaking night,
My feelings are sealed and my chest hollow.
Purple rain, chills of cold.... Or regret? I crave
My musical drug, my remaining salvation,
Spreading a sweet poison within me and
Eroding the remaining happiness I still have.
I plug my headphones...
A grin of relief appears on my weary face,
I flee to lenient lands, where a familiar Angel tucks me in.
These notes of violin split the immutable silence,
Fill the hole in, lit a bonfire to my soul.
This mermaid sings my dreams to me,
to me you are perfect
I do not know the reasons
for all those scars burning
against your bright skin
you've been soaking
a pain reminiscing from past
we both cannot recollect
yet you are so beautiful..
when night gets darker
and I am the one...
who's hungered to undress
the spirit of you
slowly revealing the layers
coming off from shadows
disguised in desires
craving to be fulfilled
I will caress every corner
of your silhouette
until I figure the true shape
of your heart
I will rub those blisters
softly until every nerve
of you gushes into a river
and you moan into a life
I had promised you
years ago when we began
to breath into each other
for all the truths
I must swallow
and lessons I must learn
you are the one
I am destined to discover
what it means
to love in perfection
i can't keep walking on these dry-rot bonesoh, i am not a poet;
like the ink scratches
of plath, i am
specter boy: decay,
dispose, & disappoint
because this is the way
that writers wane -
(this hangman head is no
survivor story, & gods
do not burn out
you talk like a travestyoh, mercury boy, you can't
write your way out of this
body or out of this mind;
you can pray like it's high-fashion,
insist you're only burning yourself out
(but tell me - do you feel like a god yet?)
if only for murky mirrors &
silver cicadas caught
in your ribcage, you've
got a knack for decaying
california wintersthe tears
I rationed have all
run out. Tuesday comes
up behind me and steals
my breath; my cat snores.
she can’t sleep soundly
since she lost her seventh
life. I’m like that, I’m always
worried someone will try to steal
what I’ve already given away.
I miss color. newsprint sobs
washed me out. I am a
blank canvas, I am a faceless,
I am one
of you. I wake up sweating
and it’s winter and I can’t
sleep because my memories
follow me between my sheets;
jake still won’t listen.
we never knew we were the
lucky ones, we scarred, too. don’t
touch me. don’t want
me, don’t bare my bones
when you think I’m not
watching. I’m afraid of
myself. breathing loud
enough that others know
I exist; you follow me,
needing, laughing, it’s
a game. who has lost
the most, we all want
to win; I’m so tired, so scared,
there’s no one in the world
who sees me. I can’t cry.
we’re in a drought.
Hold the HeartI.
Your heart is like the old wall,
at the end of the street,
filled with random scribbles,
of names and dates.
Though yours smells of wine and scented candles,
cluttered with faulty promises rather than garbage.
I watched you toss it so many times,
like a useless rag ball, but this time hurt didn't it?
She couldn't bear to see her name,
topping the list of a million others,
nor the lipstick print you forgot to wipe,
mixed with the scent of another's perfume.
She added a new smudge to your wall,
a line of black carefully drawn
across the memories and faces,
and firmly stated:
"No more littering allowed at all".
Then she took a hammer and ripped a hole,
wincing in disgust at the decaying flesh hiding below.
Hold your heart in your hands,
the patches can no longer sustain,
there are too many pieces now,
I think you're even harming it more,
with every sting of the needle,
while you desperately try to sew it whole.
everything to feari sat alone with the turntable on,
speakers releasing a forgotten song
while rain hit the windows
as if to sing meekly along.
the cat wailed from a faraway place
and trotted all through the house
just to lay by my side.
the record came to an end
as the storm grew fierce
and the needle clicked as it continued
to spin. i raised my hand to my mouth
and pretended to smoke, pressed a finger
to my wrist and pretended to slice,
but i'm no good as an actress
so it didn't quite do the trick.
rain lashed at the windows
and as lightning broke apart the sky,
i felt there was everything to fear.
Keep in Touch!
Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More